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coolchick(Q)
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My boyfriend is really possessive. He hates it when I go out with my girlfriends, and wants me to spend all of my time with him. How can I let him know that although I care about him, I need some time with my friends, too?
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SpeakerElizabeth(A)
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Possessiveness and jealousy are warning signs of potential future physical and sexual violence. In healthy relationships it is safe to tell someone that you need more time with your friends. In abusive relationships there are usually consequences for asking to spend more time with others or for defying the abuser in any way. If you don't feel it is safe to talk to your boyfriend you may be in an abusive relationship. Check out the resources link if you think you may be in a controlling relationship.
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cccc580(Q)
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If I know a person that is being abused what should I do?
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speakerjane(A)
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If you suspect a person is being abused, please tell them you are concerned for their safety and that there are many agencies or hotlines that can help them. Refer them to this website for links on how to information on abuse.
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cccc580(Q)
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I meant that if they are saying that they are being abused but I don't know if they really are.
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speakerjane(P)
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If you are not sure that she is telling the truth (whether she is denying being abused) then talk to her in private and tell her that she does not have to feel alone and that you are a friend who is concerned for her safety. That if she wants to speak to someone in privacy and confidentially, there are people who want to help her.
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speakerjane(A)
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Sometimes, a person who IS being abused might make statements that can be confusing. They might make a statement, then get scared and try to take it back or make a joke about it. You could tell you friend that something tells you it's an issue that she might be scared to discuss even with you. Give her options or choices about what she will decide to do and that as her friend, you will be supportive of her decision because you want her to be safe.
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cccc580(Q)
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he didn't take it back though
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speakerjane(A)
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Then he might be scared of what may happen. Tell him that it's not his fault and although it can seem scary to him, you are still concerned for his safety. Tell him not to feel alone and that if he decides he wants to get help, you will be supportive of his decision.
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sherrigirl(Q)
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my mom verbally abuses me- i think so anyway. she is always yelling at me. i was on myspace and she took that away from me. i never have any privacy. what should I do?
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speakergia(A)
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That's a pretty common problem with teens and their parents. Some parents don't hear what they're saying as "yelling." Have you talked to her about how you feel? Sometimes a conversation (when you both are calm!) can go a long way to resolving issues as home. One option is to talk to her about house rules and your concerns about privacy. Parents have very different ideas about how much privacy and freedom they want their kids to have. Other options include talking to another trusted adult or school counselor, or calling Teen Lifeline or other hotline numbers that offer counseling. Check the resource link above for more details about abuse.
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sherrigirl(Q)
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thank you for the advice:-) its just hard when she treats my brother better than me. she never talks down to him. she has told me all i do is cause her problems- constantly. i have tried talking to someone at my old school once i just ended up feeling bad about myself. also, i take meds for my behavior and she reminds that I am "crazy". see it never ends!
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speakergia(A)
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I'm sorry to hear that! No one should make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes it's just a matter of continuing to seek the help that will make you feel better. Maybe someone at your new school? Lots of people take meds and that doesn't make them "crazy." Some parents take it out on their kids when they feel frustrated and don't know how to protect their kids. Most problems get better with time and the help of others!
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shorty(Q)
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Hey
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speakernancy(A)
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Hi, do you have a question or comment?
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KLT(Q)
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I want to break up with my boyfriend, but he says if I ever leave him he will kill himself. I am scared to tell him I want to break up.
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SpeakerElizabeth(A)
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Threatening self-harm is something that is common for abusers to do. If you care about someone you don't want them to hurt themselves so it is an effective way for your boyfriend to keep you in the relationship. You are not responsible for his actions, of self-harm or otherwise. If you are concerned that he may hurt himself and you think it is safe to do so you can give him the teen lifeline number. You might also want to tell a parent, teacher, or counselor.
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kram_kram_boy(Q)
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My friends at my school push me and my friend around except I want to be their friend. What should I do?
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kram_kram_boy(Q)
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I am an 8th grader. It is not that they hurt me as much as they hurt my feelings
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SpeakerElizabeth(A)
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8th grade is a really hard time. Lots of kids your age go through these issues. There are friends out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve. You don't deserve to be called bad names, hurt, or insulted. If it gets worse you may want to reach out for help.
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SpeakerElizabeth(A)
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kidpower.org has tips on how to deal with bullies (it sounds like your friends might be bullying you)
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SpeakerElizabeth(A)
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stopbullyingnow.org is an even better website than the other one!
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kram_kram_boy(Q)
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I don't want to cuss at them but they say I have terrible comebacks. They think I can only be smart is by insulting girls except I don't want to.
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Moderator(P)
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Thank you for your questions. It sounds like you know that you don't need to insult other people to be smart. It was very smart of you to come on here and reach for help. You don't need to insult other people to be cool. It sounds like your friends may not really understand that, and might not be such good friends.
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kram_kram_boy(C)
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You guys rock!
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kram_kram_boy(C)
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thank you so much!
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chessi(Q)
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my mom makes me stay with her boyfriend when she works. i don't like him cuz sometimes he pushes me around. she won't let me stay at friends though
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speakeramy(A)
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I understand why you don't want to spend time with your mom's boyfriend. No one has the right to push you around. It would be good to try to talk with your mom and ler her know how much you don't like staying with him. There may be options other than staying at a friend's house. There are teen centers that might work out, or a YMCA or Boys and Girls Club. The most important thing is to be safe. If you need help talking to your mom, a program like Peer Solutions might be helpful. Their number is 602.225.0942. Please let us know if you have any follow-up questions. Thank you for logging on!
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chessi(Q)
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cool. do those things cost lots of $$$? she blames me for not having enough money and having to work like all the time. she says stuff like that. i think she doesn't care he messes with me i'm too much trouble
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speakeramy(A)
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You are not too much trouble. You deserve to be treated right. It is not your fault that your family needs money and it is not your fault that her boyfriend pushes you around. There are programs that don't cost a lot of money and others that are free. Community Information and Referral can help you find a good program. Their number is 602.263.8845. Remember that you are special and deserve to be safe.
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KLT(Q)
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When my boyfriend gets mad, he calls me really vile names (I can't even repeat them) and he tells me that I am worthless. I hate this and he says he's sorry later but then when he gets mad again he does the same thing. Is this abuse?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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First, I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is calling you names. It's really important to know that no one has the right to treat you that way, especially if they are your boyfriend. Abuse also includes emotional and verbal abuse, and when we are being called vile names that definitely counts as abuse. A great agency to talk to is Teen Lifeline at 602 248 TEEN. I encourage you to call them.
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chessi(C)
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ok. thanks! ::biggrin
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Lily(Q)
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Hi...I'm glad this service is available. My parents are going through a divorce and I am being made to see my father and I do not want to. He makes me feel bad and has been abusive to us. Where can I find information telling me what my rights are as a teenager so I do not have to see him? Thanks!
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SpeakerBlanca(A)
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I am sorry to hear about the situation. No one has the right to make you feel bad. There are programs that can assist you. A program that you can call is Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence 602-279-2900, or you can also reach teen life, 602-248-8336. You have the right to stand up for yourself and let your parents know about your feelings.
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Lily(C)
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Thanks for the info and advice! I will call the numbers you gave me.
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chessi(Q)
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oh i've called the teen line before and they are totally cool cuz they totally understand where your coming from cuz their your age!
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speakeramy(A)
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They are a good resource. I am glad you have called them before and encourage you to keep in touch with them.
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chessi(C)
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when my mom and dad got divorced i had the opposite problem. he never wanted to see me and he still doesn't call even on my birthday
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Maggie(Q)
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I am 14 and have a boyfriend but I am scared to tell my parents about him cuz they think I am to young to have a boyfriend. Do you think I should tell them?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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Hi Maggie. Honesty is always the best policy, but it always depends on what the situation is. I would suggest being honest with your parents; they might be really impressed with your maturity and honesty. If you want more advice from fellow teens, you can also call Teen Lifeline at 602 248 TEEN.
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chessi(C)
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gotta go! thanks for listening
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Maggie(Q)
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My friends all have boyfriends and some are thinking of having sex. Where should they go to find out about birth control?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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Hey Maggie, well the best place to get information for your friends is the Planned Parenthood site http://www.plannedparenthood.org/ There you can put your zip code and they can let you know where the nearest clinic is to you. Also, feel free to talk to your friends about ensuring that they are in safe, and healthy relationships. On the Web of Friends main site, under resources there's great information.. like Teen Dating Bill of Rights, etc. Encourage your friends to communicate with their boyfriends, and then decide if having sex is right for them.
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Maggie(C)
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cool. thanks!
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Alma(Q)
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My boyfriend keeps pushing me to sleep with him. Most of my friends are already doing that, and I really do love him. But I am only 15 and he is 17 and I am just not ready for that yet. But I'm afraid I am going to lose him if I keep saying no. He tells me I must not love him. He doesn't get mad but he acts very hurt and I know his friends tease him and tell him he needs to find someone who is ready to "grow up". I don't want to lose him but don't know what I can do or say to keep him from giving up on me.
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speakerblanca(A)
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Hi: If you feel afraid [of standing up for yourself] that may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately abuse increases. If you feel afraid you can reach a person that you feel comfortable speaking with. There are programs that can help you and support you as well. You are not alone and you have a lot of people that really love you and respect you. A program that can help you is Peer Solutions @ 602-225-0942
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Mo4567(Q)
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How do I know whether or not to trust the guy I'm dating not to take over my life? What are the signs he is?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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Hi there. Thanks for logging in. Some indicators that a partner might be abusive is jealousy and possesiveness, like wanting you to only hang out with certain people, or no one at all. Another indicator can be what they say, do they demean or make fun of you, make you feel belittled. Also, other warning signs are: constantly checking on where you are, etc. A great resource is the site: http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/teen_10warningsigns.htm It talks more about some warning signs. Hope that helps!
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Mo4567(Q)
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Thanks. How will I know who I can trust and who I can't before I even agree to go out with him?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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You're welcome! Well, I think that getting to know someone is the best way to see if you can trust them. One common thing in healthy friendships and healthy relationships is trust, and by spending time with that person and getting to know them as a friend first would be the best thing. You can even observe how the person interacts with other people, in different situations, etc. and then if it feels right, and you like that person too you can see if you want to be more than just friends.
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Mo4567(Q)
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That helps alot! I like a guy at school and I want to tell him. Thing is, we've been good friends for a long time now, and I don't want to ruin our friendship by telling him I like him. What should I do?
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SpeakerLindsay(A)
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Wow, that's a tough call! The best thing to do is rely on your intuition; ask yourself, if he doesn't feel the same way, can you still be friends with him? Also, on the other hand all relationships require us to take a risk, and sometimes that means telling someone how we really feel about them. Good Luck!
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Mo4567(C)
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I could try that. Thanks!
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Mo4567(Q)
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I have a friend whose parents take drugs. Now her friend threatened to tell someone if the other one yelled at her. If that makes sense, what can I do about it?
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speakeramy(A)
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From what I understand, your friend is saying they will tell someone about their parent's drug use if they yell at them. If that is true, then you can support your friend by telling them that they don't deserve to be yelled at. Drug use in the home can be very dangerous, especially when there are children involved. You or your friend can report the parents to 1.888.767.2445 or 1.888.SOS.CHILD. Calling this number will let the authorities know about the drug use. This may result in the family getting services. If the home situation is really bad, they may take your friend out of the home. Teen Life Line can provide more support too. Their number is 602.248.8336. Please let me know if you have any other questions. Thanks!
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Mo4567(Q)
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I could but my friend doesn't want to go into a foster home or any of the like. That's why she's so worried. ::sad
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speakeramy(A)
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That is very sad and the situation could get really bad. It’s important that your friend has a safety plan so if things do get worse, she can get out and be safe. She can get counseling and support from agencies by calling Community Information and Referral at 602.263.8845. She can get help without going into a foster home. There are some good foster and group homes though if she needs to get out. She can also look into legally emancipating herself. The Kids Law website might be able to offer information in that area. Their website is www.lawforkids.org.
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Moderator(P)
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Thank you for participating in this web chat this evening. If you have any further questions, please visit the Contact Us page on this site, or review the information available on the Resources page. Thank you!
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