TESTIMONIALS

En español

“It started when I was in eighth grade”

It started when I was in eighth grade. I was 13, he was 15. I had never really been in a real relationship until then. We started dating in December of 2004. He was sweet, charming, and everything I was looking for. The abuse started a month after we were together. He told me what I could say, what I could wear, where I could go, when I could go to sleep, and who I could talk to. I couldn't even look up unless he told me to look at him. He called me bad names.

February 2005
For Valentine’s Day, I got him the cutest bear and some chocolate. He got me a $1 chain. He said my gifts were trash, I was trash, and I didn't even deserve the chain.

March 2005
My class went on a field trip. We were having fun playing around. He went in the bowling alley flirting with some other girl and I had to sit and watch the whole time. On the way back, he wanted to put his fingers in my private area. I told him no and I made it clear I didn't want him to, but he still did. I felt like a loser. I felt dirty.

I was planning on going over to my friend's house. She's my best friend and I didn’t ask him if I had permission to go over. He called me 60 times and left 10 voice mails, threatening me, calling me names. He said I’m going to regret this and something is going to happen and it won’t be soon. My best friend heard enough. She called him and told him to leave me alone. She yelled and just cussed him out. Surprisingly, he apologized but as soon I got home I got blamed. I was blamed for him apologizing. I was blamed and yelled at for everything. I was being called names every two seconds. I was threatened every minute.
His threats never happened. Just the normal words and commands I heard.

May 2005
Close to the end of the school year, I was talking to a couple of my friends in class, only because he wasn't in the room. He called my name. I was confused. I thought he wasn't in the room but he came in shortly after I did. He called my name again because I didn't answer him. He told me to go sit and get ready for class. I told him, no, I still have a few minutes to talk. It was the first time I actually stood up for myself and disobeyed him. I could felt the anger that ran through him as I told him no. His eyes turned from brown to black. I didn't know if I'd still be alive in a few minutes. The room became silent as his yelling grew. I hoped to God no one was watching but everyone was. All I heard were footsteps. They were loud and powerful. I closed my eyes. He grabbed my right arm and squeezed hard. He had a hard grasp on my ponytail and pulled. I was in shock. I was being dragged against the floor. I was thrown into my desk. My hip hit the metal rail. He squeezed my face and told me once again to get ready for class. I was confused. Why didn’t anyone help? Why did they just sit there and ignore it?

January 2007-May 2009
Two of my best friends are guys. They hit me a lot though. They called me names as well. I was walking to lunch. One of these friends was in my lunch. I passed by him. He grabbed me, wrapped his hands around my neck. I couldn't get free and one of my other friends wouldn't let my boyfriend through. I saw nothing but my boyfriend’s face. The voices were fading away and I felt calm. Then my friend let go. My boyfriend later told me that he told him to let go because that is all he could do. He's glad my friend listened.

Later on, I was talking to my other guy friend. He was laughing and smiling. Then his attitude changed and he grabbed my arm and threw me into a wall. My head hit the concrete. I was in shock. A few days later, he wrapped his arms around my neck. The flash back came from when my other friend did the same thing. I screamed. He said, “Hush up you know I'm not going to hurt you.” But his grip was getting tighter and told me otherwise. I backed up and tripped over his book bag and his hands slipped from my neck. I didn’t know what to do so I left and told my boyfriend. He told me I can stand up to him and I did. I told him that if he ever touched me again he would going to regret it. He never touched me again.

It has been four years since my first abusive relationship and a month since my last. I never went to counseling. I didn't know I could. No one helped me. I still haven't gotten over the verbal abuse, the emotional abuse, the sexual abuse, and the physical abuse. It's hard for me to even talk about it. I have a very low self-esteem and I'm always ending up in another abusive relationship with my guy friends. I've been going through abuse for four years. I've went through abuse my eighth grade year, my ninth, tenth and eleventh. My boyfriend is the only guy I trust. I've been with him for seven months. About a month ago, he helped me stand up to one of my guy friends who was abusing me.

And now I'm free.